My friends have been posting these so I took the to share :)
Recently, a distraught wife went to the local police station,
along with her next-door neighbor, to report that her husband
The policeman asked for a description of the missing man.
The wife said, "He is 35 years old, 6-foot 4-inches, has dark eyes,
dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds,
is soft-spoken, and is good to the children."
The next-door neighbor protested,
"Your husband is 5-foot 8-inches, chubby, has a big mouth,
and is mean to your children."
The wife replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?"
A guy going through a mid-life crisis buys a lamborghini. He takes it to LA for vacation. He's driving on the interstate one night, and there's noone around, so he thinks to himself . . "let's see what this baby can DO!" and starts to accelerate. One hundred MPH . . two hundred MPH . . and then he sees a cop in the distance with his lights on.
At first, he just pushes a little harder on the accelerator . . he can outrun that cop, no problem! But then his conscience kicks in, and he pulls over.
After waiting about ten minutes for the poor cop to catch up to him, the cop gets out of his car and walks to the guy's window.
Cop says, "Sir, my shift is over in ten minutes, and I hate doing paperwork. If you can give me an excuse for your excessive speed that I've never heard before, you're free to go."
The guy thinks for a minute.
He then replies with, "Ten years ago, my wife ran off with a cop from CA. I thought you were trying to bring her back!"
The cop tips his hat and says, "You're free to go, sir."